I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
