I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
