you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
