Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
