im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
