I wanna bring you to show and tell
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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