so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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