i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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