Where is the hickey?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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