Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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