I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Pants 0. Shit 1.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
