How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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