I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
