finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Be still, my beating vagina.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
