Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Say something about gay babies.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
