Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
