I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
