I got chris browned last night
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
