Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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