I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
