I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
My life is pants optional.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
