You're earring is so big in my mouth
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
