your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
