you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
