WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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