I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
