im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
