I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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