I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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