Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
