i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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