Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
