my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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