You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
