I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
