You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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