I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
