Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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