sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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