Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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