Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
