you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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