new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
