Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
no, he came in my armpit
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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