The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
