Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
