She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
