plz talk dirty to me
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
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