Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
