do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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