Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
